Elder abuse is a significant, often hidden issue in families, with devastating effects on the mental, emotional, and physical well-being of older adults. This form of abuse may involve one family member—often a sibling—isolating an elderly parent or relative from others, distorting their view of family members, and taking advantage of their resources. When a family member restricts an elderly parent from contacting other children or relatives, this isolation is not only abusive but can also be considered criminal, as it prevents the elder from making independent choices and maintaining social bonds that are essential to their health.

 

Forms of Elder Abuse in Families

 

     1. Isolation as Hostage-Keeping

When a sibling restricts an elderly parent’s contact with other family members, this goes beyond caregiving. Preventing contact between the parent and their loved ones is a form of controlling behaviour, likened to holding the elder “hostage” and preventing them from freely interacting with those who genuinely care. This isolation, combined with tactics like gaslighting—where the abuser distorts reality to make the elder question their own memories or beliefs—fosters dependency on the abuser and undermines the elder’s ability to make their own informed decisions.

     2. Defamation and Psychological Manipulation

Abusers often manipulate an elderly parent’s perception of other family members, making false claims or lying about siblings or relatives. This manipulation is designed to create distrust and resentment, leading the elder to rely solely on the abuser. Such defamation is not only harmful but also a crime, as it paints others in a false light to fulfill the abuser’s personal agenda. The abuser’s frequent projection, where they accuse others of behaviour they themselves are guilty of, serves to obscure their own actions, leaving the elder confused and vulnerable.

     3. Financial Exploitation and Theft

Financial abuse is a prevalent issue in elder care, where an individual may use the elder’s finances, possessions, or assets for personal benefit. This can include taking money from the elder’s accounts, using their property without permission, or removing valuables such as jewelry or vehicles from their home. Such actions are not only morally reprehensible but also legally classified as theft and exploitation, especially when the elder lacks the capacity to understand or consent to these transactions.

     4. Victim Claims and Manipulation of the Social Circle

Abusers often attempt to manipulate those around them—family members, friends, and even professional caregivers—by portraying themselves as selfless victims who have sacrificed everything to care for the elder. They may claim that they have been the sole caregiver for years while casting other family members as neglectful or uninvolved. This behaviour not only isolates the elder further but also distorts the truth, making it difficult for other relatives to intervene. Often, such patterns of manipulation are observed by government officials, social workers, and even the courts, as they recognise the signs of deceit and exploitation.

     5. Legal Deception and Manipulation of Judicial Processes

Abusers who seek personal gain through manipulation may also misrepresent themselves in legal settings. They may lie to their own lawyers, courts, or other officials to paint themselves in a favourable light, using fabricated narratives to maintain control. This legal manipulation can be complex, as they involve various legal avenues to conceal their actions. In some cases, even the abuser’s social networks may become aware of the deceit, realising that the image presented by the abuser does not align with reality.

 

Recognising and Reporting Elder Abuse

 

The sad reality is that elder abuse within families is far more common than most realise, and it often goes unnoticed or unreported due to the abuser’s control. If you recognise signs of elder abuse—such as isolation from family members, sudden financial losses, or drastic changes in the elder’s perception of family—it is critical to act. Reporting such abuse to trusted professionals, elder care advocates, or legal authorities can help prevent further harm and ensure that the elder receives the protection they deserve.

 

Conclusion

 

Elder abuse in families is an unconscionable act that often goes hidden, shielded by family dynamics and the elder’s dependency. Those who isolate, manipulate, defame, or financially exploit elderly relatives are committing severe acts of abuse that warrant both social condemnation and legal intervention. As a community, it is our responsibility to protect our elderly from such exploitation, ensuring that they live their final years with dignity, respect, and genuine care from those around them.